


A Learned Love

by hazey_sloths



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Brief Violence, F/M, M/M, Non Consensual Kissing, mention of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 13:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12654636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazey_sloths/pseuds/hazey_sloths
Summary: Someone asked me about Bisexual Kevin Day. Here's what I came up with.





	A Learned Love

He is fifteen years old and in the weight room with the Ravens when the realization hits him. Coach Tetsuji has been yelling at one of his players for twenty minutes and the entire time, Kevin’s eyes have been drifting to places they shouldn’t. He can feel something unfamiliar coiling in his stomach, traveling further down, and in shock, he drops the barbell onto the floor.

The sound erases all else in the room. Kevin feels shame burn through him. Not because dropping the weights nearly took Riko’s toes off, but because for the first time, he looked at another boy and felt something he knew he wasn’t supposed to feel. Love was something he would never have, something he wasn’t allowed to have. And lust? He wasn’t sure but he knew by the look in Riko’s eye that he would pay dearly for looking. He did pay, later that night with Riko’s hand around tight his throat, voice taunting as he asked, “Do you want to know what it’s like, Kevin? To be kissed by a boy? Fucking disgusting.” 

He still remembers the harsh feel of Riko’s lips against his, teeth biting through until blood bloomed in his mouth. The cruel laughter still echoes in his head, the slap still stinging on his cheek. He remembers falling, curling in on himself as Riko walks away, wiping Kevin’s blood from his face. He remembers Riko looking back, eyes filled with hatred and disgust as he snarls, “You don’t get to have any of that. You’re here to play. Nothing else. Remember that, Day.”

So he did. And he buried those feelings deep and every time they surfaced, he let the memory of Riko’s hand at his throat choke them back again.  
_____

He is seventeen, drunk and hiding from Riko when the feelings surface again. He tried hard to bury them, tried hard to remember the bruises Riko left behind. But he couldn’t. The sight of Jean walking toward him down the dark hallway is somehow more intoxicating than the four drinks he has consumed tonight. 

The other boy looked up through a mess of curly brown hair, right eye bruised from the blow Riko gave him in the locker room. Kevin can’t remember the words exchanged. He tries to forget the way Riko’s voice rises with his hands. He feels bad though; he wants to stand up for Jean but the fear keeps him rooted in place every time the other boy is hit. The fear and the guilt of feeling relieved because at least it’s not him.

He can remember Jean following him to his room, hands shaking as he takes the bottle from Kevin. He tips his head back to drink deeply and god, the sight of his throat is painfully beautiful. His skin is marble, still unmarked by Riko’s rage. When Jean brings his head back, Kevin is still staring, breath harsh with some desire he doesn’t understand. 

“Can I?” Kevin asks. And stops. Because he is not allowed to have such things.But he still can’t help himself. Jean is beautiful. Jean is kind to Kevin; he picks him up off the ground when no one else bothers to touch him. Jean is here with him, now, in this poorly lit room with a bottle of alcohol and somehow, Jean’s eyes are the most captivating thing Kevin has ever seen.

This kiss is different. There is no cruel touch, no pain and fear, no harsh laughter to follow. Jean breathes in as Kevin comes closer and his sigh makes Kevin’s chest flutter. He doesn’t know what he is supposed to do with his hands; no one has ever taught him. But running his hand over Jean’s jaw, running his fingers through the other boy’s hair, tracing his lips when he pulls away, that feels right. 

They do not kiss again after that one. And they do not tell Riko. Because no matter how nice it felt, it still did not feel right. But Jean stays by Kevin’s side when he can and sometimes, Kevin thinks that kiss was more a promise of protection than anything else.  
____

He is twenty and Thea says he is the most tender kisser she has ever experienced. He touches her even more gently than he touched Jean. They don’t ever need to talk. She understands him, knows what he has been through. She promises she will stay with him as long as he wants her there and he promises the same. He traces the lines on her hand and wishes she wasn’t leaving for the Pro-Exy circuit but it can’t be avoided. She gives him one last kiss before she boards the plane. He can still feel the ghost of her fingertips on his wrist. He can’t believe he has been allowed to feel things for her.  
____

He is twenty-one, hands clutched tightly around a bottle of vodka as he cries into the phone. Thea’s voice, ever steady, holds together what little pieces that remain of him. God, he misses her so much but he doesn’t know how to tell her. He’s alone again, something he has struggled with his whole life. Neil and Andrew are not far off, somewhere smoking and letting Kevin wallow in his misery. He wishes they hadn’t left the room but he knows to rely on either of them so heavily isn’t healthy for him. He can’t let the feelings he has for either grow past what it is now.

He is confused about feelings because suddenly he’s realized that his appreciation for both the male and female physique are similar. It’s something more than appreciation. And god, he feels guilty for feeling things for her after he’s kissed boys and thought about them. He just wants her to know about them. And he’s not sure why, but he tells her and the fear of her leaving makes him want to vomit.

She laughs at first. “Of course you like boys. You never shut up about Jeremy Knox.”

And when he stays silent, unable to think of what to say because he is shaking so badly, she stops laughing. She says she’s sorry. She didn’t mean to make him feel bad about his feelings.

“Kevin, it’s okay. It’s okay to have those feelings. There’s nothing wrong with them,” Thea says. Her voice is so solid, he can practically feel the wall she building to support him. And he knows that she is right and real and this, this is what love is.

Later, he learns the term bisexual and he holds it against his heart with every ounce of strength he has. He finds validation, and then he finds pride in it. And between his pride and Thea, he can erase every insult Riko has ever thrown at him for feeling this way.


End file.
